1. I’m sorry.
2. I have more fingers than people I trust, and I am not one of those people.
3. I have more hands than times I’ve seen men admit they are scared. Manhood is a funny thing. The intrigue of standing tall swallows your skin and all of the sudden keeping ones spine intact becomes…
Hmmm
218 
Actual poster from the mid-50’s issued by Senator Joseph McCarthy at the height of the Red Scare and anti communist witch hunt in Washington. All artists were suspect.
(via culturedandcurious)
@ZodiacFacts:
Decisions of the heart take a #Sagittarius some time to make. They fall in love easily, but do not love lightly.
— shared via UberSocial http://ubersocial.com
@ZodiacFacts:
In a desire to discover true love, #Sagittarius are constantly blinded by the idealism of love and constantly wounded by love’s realities.
— shared via UberSocial http://ubersocial.com
I know a lot of people are skeptical about zodiac and things like that but I would definitely check this out if you have the chance… If nothing else it is interesting…
”I’m sure he is being honest… Because I hate the answers he gives me…”
”I just wanna be loved…” - Jill Scott
The progression
BlowItUpTV & Smash Radio captured the official live footage of the Juelz Santana NYE Bash in PA, as well as Phene performing “Married To The Night” in front of a packed house.
Entry One:
“I wake up… more like jump up as if I was waking from a dream. I am laying in a big bed… a king size I think, with a big white down comforter laying on top of me. The room I am in is large and smells of vanilla, honey and fresh linens. The walls are a midnight blue, and large windows span each of them with swaying white satin and lace curtains hanging from each one. The sun is shinning through them, making patterns dance on the empty pillow next to me. In front of me I see a desk with pictures and papers on it. it’s a big desk, made of some kind of old sturdy wood. And besides the desk I see a big sit-in window with pillows and a sketch book laying in it. I uncover myself and get up to further inspect my surroundings. My senses are taking everything in, though at first everything seems fuzzy. All I can make out are midnight blues/whites/and silver, honey and vanilla, and a warming sense one shouldn’t feel from a place that was so foreign to them. I turned to my left and saw a mirror…I saw myself, though I didn’t look like myself. I was older. Any hint of childhood in my face or figure was gone… a woman’s face and a woman’s body was what I was now seeing. I was wearing a white silk robe, and my hair was tied up in a loose bun on top of my head. I stared for a while until I heard something in the background of what I thought was my thoughts. But it was real… I heard laughter coming from the hallway of which the open door to the bedroom led. I followed the sound up the hall, again taking in the things I saw. My feet were cool as I stepped on the hardwood floors… they were a rosy colored wood, and the walls a very pale yellow, almost golden tan. I began to hear more sounds… a television, which sounded like it was showing some type of cartoon, dishes clinking, a mans voice, and then… a child laughing. As I approached the end of the hallway I realized I was entering a kitchen. It was large, with an island in the middle which was where the TV I was hearing was located. Unlike the bedroom I was in, this room was bright and alive… all lavenders and yellows and gold’s. Pots and pans hung from a floating shelf right above the island and there was where I saw a man at the table pouring a bowl of cereal. The man was tall… much taller than me, and about my complexion, maybe a slightly different undertone. He seemed to be wearing casual business attire… dress pants, a button up and a nice sweater, though when I looked down at one of the chairs I saw his suit jacket laying over the back. I couldn’t see his face, he was turned and leaning down talking to himself I thought until she came from around the island. It was a little girl… she looked like she was about two or three. Her hair was long, and pulled back into a ponytail with a puff of curls springing from the back of her head. She was my complexion, with big brown eyes and long lashes that seemed so familiar to me, and big fat apple cheeks just as I had as a child. She was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. The girl looked up and saw me and screamed “MUMMY” as she ran towards me. She wrapped her arms around my legs and squeezed as hard as she could. All I can remember is feeling like I was melting. Like I was so consumed with love, and warmth that I lost myself. I wanted nothing more than to make this little girl happy… to protect her, and love her, My existence no longer mattered beyond ensuring the wellbeing of this child. “I wanted to make you breakfast but Daddy said not to wake you…” As she said this I looked up to see who she was referring to as “Daddy” … and I saw him… with those long lashes and big beautiful eyes that I remember getting lost in, and those beautiful full lips. His face was different too… older like mine. Where once supple plains laid, now are strong angles of a mans face. And he finally let his facial hair grow out… “It’s okay I made her cereal… we didn’t want to burn the kitchen down without you.” he said with a smile as I stared at him. I couldn’t speak, I picked the girl up and held her close to me. He leaned in and kissed me on the cheek… and as I closed my eyes remembering how much I loved that feeling he whispered “I’m going to be late for work. I love you, see you tonight for dinner.” He kissed the girl on the cheek and gave her a “zerbert”… she laughed and said “Bye Daddy.“ And he was gone… He climbed into a black car and drove off. I turned to look at this girl… at my daughter, and she told me she made something for me… that’s when I woke up…”
Quick Note: A Zerbert FYI is when you put your lips to someone’s body part and blow until it makes that funny sound. People often do it to children and I think I got the term from The Cosby Show.
Now I had this dream a few weeks ago, and I choose to make this the first in my dream journal because it was the most vivid I’ve had in a long time. I couldn’t tell what was reality. And when I woke up… I was sad I didn’t have a daughter.
Anyone who know me knows this is strange because I have never been the one to want children. I’ve always kind of said that if I get married and a child comes out of it than I will take it as a blessing, but I’ve never wanted. children. And yet when I woke up I was almost in tears…
The second strange thing was that I knew the man in my dream. I will keep his name private for obvious reasons but it was a person who I was “dating” for a while that I am still in contact with… but not nearly to the extent that you would think from my dream. I loved him in that dream… almost as much as I loved my laugher… but of course in a different way… Next to her he was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. And I mean… I like this person but I don’t see how we would ever go from where we are to that… I could never see him caring for me the way he did in the dream. The way he looked at me was almost soul churning. Anyway… I wonder what all of this means…
Okay everyone, I am about to post the first dream in my DREAM JOURNAL. I am doing this to give whoever reads my blog a further insight in my mind, and also because I would like you guys feedback on the meanings. So please comment if you can… Thanks!
1/8/12
Dear Diary,
So I have been on a literary binge for the past week…
Most of which was Twilight (don‘t judge me), Twilight inspired literature or some other romantic fantasy, and it has made me come to an interesting conclusion…
I am a hopeless (in every denotation of the word) romantic…
I always knew I liked romance, but I think at some point in my life I kind of hid that part of me in the back of my mind. Kind of putting it away with other childish things I felt I grew out of…
But no… a desire for romance isn’t a things that passes with age, it is definitely a part of the person I am. When I read these stories… read the simple sensations that these characters get simply by holding the one they love’s hand, it made me feel complete. I know that sounds crazy. These characters/situations aren’t real, but I think it made me realize that I am happy and satisfied with ever aspect of my life… but that is the only thing that’s missing. And besides… I believe fiction comes from reality… When I read of a kiss that steals your breath and you shudder but still pull them closer no matter how physically impossible “closer“ could be… I have felt that before… and so I believe, and always will…
Its difficult to look around and be happy with every part of your life but love, because love is something I can’t choose or control. Which makes it hard for me to say how long I will be without something that seems to be such a big part of me…
I’ve noticed many of the woman in my life are searching for the same thing as me, however they are opting for quantity over quality in the end. The fear of feeling lonely out weighs the need for true romance. I was that way once, but I’ve learned that being lonely sometimes is better than inflicting repeated heartbreak on yourself each time a person falls short.
And anyway… When did it become so cliché to be romantic? Men at some point in history stopped paying attention to the details of making a woman fall in love with them., and women stopped holding them to that standard. Well, not me, not anymore. I want the movie… I want the fairytale… And I am accepting nothing less…
On a side note I have brought in 2012 with open arms and a better understanding and love for the woman I’ve become. I am now 25, and for some reason I have anticipated this year my whole life. I feel great changes and big things coming, I even physically feel different. I FEEL like a woman. I have learned to love and accept every part of myself physically, and though I am still learning about myself mentally I still love and accept that as well. With work, I was blessed enough to be able to put one of my employees in a position to move up in the company, which almost brought him to tears. One of my friends told me recently that my job was one of my faults… it hurt me at first but I wouldn’t have been able to do what I did for my employee without my job, so at that I now have to laugh… Then I found out that I unfortunately wasn’t able to get a ticket to go home to see my family for Christmas this years. This would have been my first year ever away from my family… I was very sad, however kept telling myself that if I wasn’t meant to go home that God surely had a reason and I would put my faith in him… Then, on Christmas Eve, I got a phone call from my ex’s mom… they apparently had been talking about my situation and she told me that no person should be away from their family on Christmas… and that I should pack my bag because my plane left in 2 hrs… She had bought me a ticket home. Needless to say I was in shock, no one had ever done something so nice for me. I left and got to spend Christmas with my family….Then a few days ago, my other ex’s mom sent me a Christmas card with some cash in it. It was funny because she wrote in the card “ sorry it was late” but she was right on time… As I walked to my mailbox I had been telling myself I was a little low on cash… Christmas being at the end of December and then rent right after has never been a good combination for me… And then I got my card… no, she was right on time…
It’s the little things like this that remind me how blessed I am. Blessed to have, maybe not everything I want, but always everything I need. Bless to have people in my life that think so highly of me. People don’t do things like this for people they hardly know anymore, and yet these women thought I am worth these gestures… its really an amazing feeling…
Anyhow, I really am going to get better at this Tumblr thing… I think things and I’m like “Hey I should put that in my diary” and by the time I sit down to write I have forgotten most of what I wanted to say… more importantly the emotions are gone, and my writing is best when I first feel the emotion that made me want to write in the first place. I have the app on my phone now, so hopefully I will be better at that… and my dreams… I’ve been dreaming a lot lately so I want to start a dream journal… may do that today…
Thanks for listening btw… to those of u who actually take the time to read my thoughts… it means a lot.
Raining out… must go stare in amazement…
~KLJ
@MsJohnson143:
One of the worlds greatest feelings (it would seem) would be to make a man shudder at my touch.. not in a sexual … http://tmi.me/kd9cn
— shared via UberSocial http://ubersocial.com
“Regrets collect like old friends…” - Florence + The Machine
